


The Ever Unspoken

by Jen425



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Anakin Skywalker Needs a Hug, Anakin Skywalker: Infinite Pain, Angst, I’m sorry, M/M, Poor Anakin, Requited Unrequited Love, hanahaki, mute Anakin, playing with a trope
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-11
Updated: 2018-10-08
Packaged: 2019-03-03 11:01:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13339875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jen425/pseuds/Jen425
Summary: When Anakin was nine years old, he was diagnosed with dormant Hereditary Slow-Acting Hanahaki Disease.When Anakin is 16 years old, he coughs up the petal of a six-petal starflower, native to Stewjon.When Anakin is 24 years old, he’s going to die.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I... may have messed with the way Hanahaki works. Oh well.

They say that it sneaks up on you, a curse… but it’s not that simple. Love, you see, true love is rare, and you recognize it in an instant.

 

There is rarely a case where the patient is surprised.

 

Anakin, of course, is ever the exception.

  
  


Hereditary slow-acting Hanahaki. Dormant. This is the news that Anakin learns on his first medical checkup with the Jedi. He may be nine, but he is hardly innocent, and he knows what slow-acting Hanahaki is.

 

Then Obi-Wan puts a hand on his shoulder, and everything is okay. He won’t have to worry. There is only one woman for him, and the Force has already assured him their future.

 

He’s 16 when it starts. He’s sparring with Obi-Wan, and, as usual, he’s losing. Obi-Wan wins, and then they begin to talk, just like they always have. It’s interrupted by Anakin’s cough.

 

He tastes the petal only briefly, but he recognizes what it is. He swallows it whole, and forces a smile onto his face when Obi-Wan asks him if he’s alright.

 

“I’m fine,” he says, even as his heart is ripped apart.

 

There is only one person who it could be, after all.

 

He doesn’t say a word.

 

(The healer looks onto him in pity when he finally goes to confirm it. Six-petal starflowers…

 

Native to Stewjon, and grown in great numbers throughout the room of a thousand fountains. He’s glad that he didn’t check until he was of age. Obi-Wan didn’t deserve this pain…

 

And so it continues.)

 

He’s nineteen, and the love of his life that he knows will reciprocate is right there, near him. She tries to fight it, and he does, too. Ten years ago, the thought of marrying Padme brought him joy, and hope.

 

Three years ago, however, it became a curse. If his vision is right, and they are meant to be wed, then he will leave her a widow at 28.

 

They kiss by the lakes of Naboo, and they marry a month later.

 

On their wedding night, Anakin coughs up the first full flower. Padme, wonderful woman that she is, recognizes it instantly.

 

“Ani…” she says softly. Anakin only looks away.

 

“Slow-acting Hanahaki,” he says, “I’m sorry…”

 

Padme sighs.

 

“Oh _Ani…_ ”

 

She sounds so much like Obi-Wan right then.

 

“I only have four years left,” he explains, “I just… I wanted to spend them with someone I love, someone who loves me...”

 

Then he starts crying, Padme comforting him once again. It’s not exactly the wedding night that he’d imagined.

 

The next morning, of course, Padme still wants answers.

 

“Do they know?” she asks. Anakin shakes his head.

 

“He doesn’t.”

 

Padme sighs.

 

“Is it Obi-Wan?”

 

Anakin is silent, but he knows that his silence is answer enough.

 

Then, the Clone Wars begin in earnest. Anakin is knighted, and somehow ends up assigned a Padawan, and Obi-Wan is there every step of the way. The disease is spreading, but still only, the Healer helping him and Padme know.

 

Then he’s injured, and Obi-Wan is there, taking him to the medics.

 

He wakes up to see Obi-Wan at his bedside.

 

“Hanahaki,” his Master says, “Activated at 16… Anakin, why didn’t you tell me?”

 

Anakin laughs.

 

“Who, when I was 16, would I have fallen into true, actual _love_ with? I had _no_ friends outside the Temple except the _Chancellor_ , and everyone _in_ the Temple hated me…” he trails of. “Except one.”

 

Obi-Wan inhales sharply, and surprise flashes along their bond.

 

“I can’t live without you,” Anakin continues, “But I knew that you would never reciprocate. I... I only have two and a half years left."

 

Obi-Wan sighs.

 

"Anakin..."

 

"I don't want to hear it, Obi-Wan!" he snaps, and Obi-Wan's face grows even sadder. Anakin knows that he should comfort him, but...

 

"I know… I know you don’t feel that way, but… stay?”

 

Obi-Wan will never love him like that, he knows, but he also knows that his Master cares for him, regardless.

 

“I’ll stay.”

 

(Once again, Anakin falls asleep crying into the chest of someone who holds his heart.

 

The next morning, however Obi-Wan is gone.)

 

They never talk about it. The war continues, and the Hanahaki continues to spread.

 

Then Obi-Wan dies, and the flowers dig into his vocal chords. This isn’t what’s supposed to happen, though, if the one you love dies.

 

He knows long before anyone tells him that Obi-Wan is alive.

 

To lose his speech by the Hanahaki does not mean a death, after all, but rather...

 

A betrayal.

 

He wants to yell at Obi-Wan, but he can’t, now. The look on Obi-Wan’s face tells him that Obi-Wan knows exactly what he’s done to him, and regrets it. Regret is not enough this time.

 

Life continues on. The GAR has an official sign language that every brother knows, and most good Jedi have picked up on it. Anakin knows it perfectly. (Call him strange, but Anakin was always a bit of a polyglot. He'd already known 5 spoken and two sign languages by the time the Jedi had found him, even.)

 

Few things change.

 

(Palpatine offers to pay for a vocoder. Anakin shakes his head. Somehow, for some reason, using one scares him to the point where even the vaguest _thought_ drips with an unexplained Darkness.)

 

Ahsoka doesn’t find out until she leaves him. Thankfully, she hadn’t yet broken their bond, and he can still call to her.

 

He’s learned the tiring nature of words, so he doesn’t ask her why, doesn’t beg her to stay. The Hanahaki has spread, by now, and he’s probably going to be relegated to Coruscant, soon. He'll leave the Order himself, then.

 

And that date is coming up far too quickly.

 

(A betrayal usually cuts off a month or two. Anakin, apparently, had lost five.)

 

The petals litter the ground at his feet, and, when he finally looks up, Ahsoka’s face is shock crossed with horror, and he smiles, humorously. He rips a page from the notepad he’d always kept on his belt, wondering if he would have thought of this in a world where the blue stems and thorns of a starflower weren’t slowly killing him.

 

He doubts it.

 

He gives her what he thinks she’ll need, and pulls her into a hug.

 

(In this world, it’s Anakin who walks away, and Ahsoka who looks on, helpless. She stays there for what feels like forever, and night has fallen by the time she descends the steps.

 

In this world, she looks back.)

 

Things continue, and Anakin can _feel_ himself dying.

 

When the Jedi pull him from the front, he leaves the Order. (They let him keep his lightsaber. Ironic how now, at the end, they trust him so completely…

 

Or maybe it’s just how soon he’s going to die.)

 

One month left. Ask yourself, now, how you answer the riddle. What do you do with a month to live?

 

Anakin Skywalker chooses to spend it with his wife.

 

(Obi-Wan never visits. He wonders why… no, he knows, and, for once, he's grateful for his Master's misplaced guilt. He _won’t_ let himself become another loved one to die in Obi-Wan’s arms. He _won’t_.)

 

And, in the very last week, he chooses to protect his loved ones.

 

The Chancellor is the Sith Lord. Anakin runs him through with the saber the Jedi had allowed him to keep. (After all, you can learn much more when you listen, and that’s _all_ Anakin can _do_ , now.)

 

Then he starts coughing. The petals become an endless flow…

 

He’s dying.

 

He’d reached out for help at the moment of realization, though…

 

He doesn’t want to be another heartbreak for his Master. He _needs_ to see Obi-Wan one last time.

 

The world fades to black.

  
  


Although most are unsurprised at the first signs of Hanahaki, none are by the final death. It comes in an instant, pain you could never imagine crossed with beautiful, bloody flowers coming in an endless stream.

 

Some scientists even believe that, once this final death begins, nothing can stop it.

 

They’re wrong.

  
  


Obi-Wan enters the room with a group of Jedi. Anakin’s message had been anything but clear, and Obi-Wan had only been able to get two things from it.

 

The Chancellor was the Sith Lord, and desperate urgency.

 

And so, when he sees his best friend’s body on the floor, the world fades away. Petals surround him, and some fly back up in the air as Obi-Wan pulls Anakin into his arms.

 

This is his fault.

 

Distantly, he knows that the others are trying to figure out what happened, and why. It doesn’t matter, not to Obi-Wan.

 

Anakin is dying.

 

His eyes open.

 

‘Obi-Wan,’ he mouths, slowly raising a hand to stroke Obi-Wan’s cheek.

 

(A rhythm, a rhyme, an echo… once again, a story repeats.

 

Obi-Wan was never meant for happiness.)

 

“Anakin…”

 

He’s _crying_ , and it only gets worse as Anakin wipes the tears away. Anakin, the one who’s Force Signature, always a bright, powerful beacon of Light to Obi-Wan, is almost gone, is smiling.

 

‘I love you,’ Anakin mouths, ‘I’m sorry.’

 

He closes his eyes.

 

Anakin’s Light is fading even faster, now, and he’s releasing their bond, and _Force_ but if this doesn’t hurt ten times more than even _Qui-Gon’s_ death had...

 

And, in that moment, Obi-Wan realizes something.

 

He _loves_ Anakin, truly _loves_ him.

 

And he’s lost too many to give up any more.

 

So, in desperation, he begs for the Force to help him, and bends down just the littlest bit more to whisper into Anakin’s ear.

 

“I love you, Anakin,” he whispers.

 

The Force hears him. His Light returns.

 

(“Obi-Wan…”

 

Anakin’s voice is hoarse and rough, having been blocked for a good year by now…

 

It’s the most beautiful sound in the world.)

  
  


Although the general belief of the medical community is that Hanahaki is hereditary or an STD, the original belief was that it represented a being’s ability for all-consuming love.

 

And it stuck you there, too. A being with Hanahaki who doesn’t have the surgery will love forever. No matter what they do to you, you will continue to love them.

 

And Anakin knows, of course, that that can be very dangerous for others… luckily for him, he trusts Obi-Wan completely.

 

It was a hard time along the way, but the happy ending is here…

 

And that’s enough.


	2. The Words Not Said

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something of a deleted scene. Obi-Wan returns to the Temple after The Lawless, and everything hurts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

_ “Master?” _ Anakin asks the moment Obi-Wan enters their rooms. (One of them really should have requested a transfer, at some point, but Anakin couldn’t bring himself to, and he didn’t think that Obi-Wan could, either. It’s a bittersweet thing to know that, although Obi-Wan loves him almost as much, it’s not in the way he needs.)

 

Obi-Wan’s face just looks… so sad. That can only mean one thing…

 

_ “Obi-Wan…” _ he whispers softly across the bond.

 

“She’s dead,” Obi-Wan says, “Darth Maul killed her.”

 

Oh…

 

_ Oh,  _ **_Master…_ ** Anakin mouths, forgetting for a second that the words won’t leave his mouth as anything but air and poking gently at the bond,  _ “Are you— no, stupid question. Can I help?” _

 

Obi-Wan just… stares at him.

 

“Why?” he asks, “Anakin the fact that I don’t love you is  _ killing  _ you, and yet you’re here to comfort me because I’m mourning for someone who I… I did…”

 

And then Obi-Wan is crying, something Anakin can’t ever remember Obi-Wan doing in front of him before. Without hesitation, he pulls his Master, his everything and his heart, into his arms.

 

“I loved her,” Obi-Wan says, “I loved her. I’m sorry. Anakin… Satine… I loved her.”

 

And he just keeps repeating the words, though not in any particular order, as if they’re the only thing he knows, and, well, Anakin would be lying if he said that he didn’t feel a sharp pang in his chest that has only a metaphorical connection to the starflower inside it every time Obi-Wan says “I loved her”.

 

But it’s Obi-Wan, and his Master is  _ hurting _ , so he hides it for the man who holds half his heart.

 

_ “I know, Obi-Wan,” _ he says,  _ “I know.” _

 

And even though, Obi-Wan’s cries have subsided, and even though he should probably let go…

 

He doesn’t.

 

But Obi-Wan does.

 

“I’m sorry, Anakin,” he says. “That was highly inappropriate, and a cruel thing to do to you of all people.”

 

Anakin shrugs. It doesn’t bother him.

 

_ “I knew I never had a chance,” _ he says,  _ “And I only ever teased you because I sensed how Satine made you brighten… and, no matter what, I know that you love me.” _

 

“But not in the way to save you…  _ Force _ , Anakin, look at what I’ve done to you!”

 

Oh… the thought itself makes the feeling of the starflower a noticeable thing instead of background, and, yes, he couldn’t… as hard as he tied, he  _ can’t  _ forgive his Master for… feeling his bond with Obi-Wan almost… disappear, even if it hadn’t really, was… yes, it had hurt, but...

 

Well, it was the past. Obi-Wan not telling him, playing on his emotions like that… it had hurt, but… Anakin can understand Obi-Wan’s reasons. The long-term effects were a surprise, yes, but it was such a rare variation of Hanahaki that could do this, after all.

 

And he doesn’t want to spend the rest of his time with Obi-Wan holding on to a grudge.

 

(That doesn’t make it hurt any less, though.)

 

Still, though, Obi-Wan is hurting, and going back to that will be anything but kind to his wonderful Master. Jokingly, he looks down on himself.

 

_ “I don’t see anything wrong,” _ he says, and Obi-Wan still has that sad look on his face, but it’s tinged with his exasperated look.

 

“You know exactly what I mean, Anakin,” he says. “You… how hard are you fighting off the disease to keep me from seeing, because by this point the intervals must be smaller than even this conversation.”

 

Hard. Very hard. Not hard enough to be unhealthy (yet), but hard. (Not that he hadn’t held it for hours at end while in the middle of a battle before, but that was the War.)

 

Obi-Wan can see it on his face.

 

“Exactly,” he says.

 

But loving Obi-Wan has never been a regret. Anakin looks his best friend in the eyes as he “speaks”.

 

_ “I love you, Master,” _ he says.  _ “And if this is the price I pay, then so be it. You had no way of knowing that I had the variation.” _

 

“And I had no way of knowing what it was like to loose someone like you did me,” Obi-Wan says. Anakin sighs.

 

_ “Obi-Wan,” _ he says,  _ “I’ve been coming to grips with every part of this since I was sixteen. Do you really think I expected anything less than heartbreak.” _

 

And now, of course, Obi-Wan is looking at him sadly again. Great.

 

He forces a smile onto his face.

 

_ “I’ve always known that you love me,” _ he says,  _ “And, as long as I can be by your side… that’s enough.” _

 

Finally, Obi-Wan smiles weakly.

 

“I don’t deserve your love,” he says, but Anakin just finds himself laughing.

 

_ “Obi-Wan,” _ he says,  _ “You deserve the Galaxy.” _

 

And maybe, someday, Obi-Wan will understand that.

 

(And Anakin hates the fact that he’ll only ever be able to deepen Obi-Wan’s pit of self-hatred. Despite what he said, although never for himself…

 

He wishes that he had never fallen in love.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My poor babies. At least we know they had a happy ending.


	3. The Unsung Everafter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there is a happy beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this was fun

Anakin wakes up slowly, not quite believing it.   
  
He shouldn’t be alive.   
  
Why is he—   
  
“Obi-Wan,” he says, hesitantly, his voice barely more than a whisper from lack of use. His Master is there. Why is Obi-Wa-   
  
Oh, right. He’d been dying… And then he’d heard a voice.   
  
His Master’s voice.   
  
And it had said I love you.   
  
And so he was here. In the medbay at the Temple.   
  
“Anakin,” Obi-Wan says, relief and sadness and guilt in his voice and not-quite-hiddenin the bond. Anakin slowly pushes himself up.   
  
_ “You love me,” _ he says over the Bond, somehow fixed from the destruction he’d worked towards to soften the blow for his Master when he died. He’s become far more used to speaking like this by now, anyways. Obi-Wan nods.   
  
“I do,” he says. “And I am so sorry, Anakin. I should have realized it sooner.”   
  
Anakin shrugs.   
  
_ “I never thought you would even love me like that at all,” _ he says, still over the bond mostly out of habit. _ “This is more than I could dream.” _ __  
  
Obi-Wan just continues to look guilty. Anakin sighs.   
  
_ “Forget it, Master,”  _ he says.  _ “I’m okay. Just… hold me.” _ __  
  
Obi-Wan just sighs in return, but he does move onto the bed and lets Anakin melt against him, stroking his hair.   
  
“Oh dear one,” he says. “I almost lost you.”   
  
Anakin smiles, shaking his head even as Obi-Wan continues stroking his hair.   
  
_ “No you didn’t,” _ he says.  _ “I just had to struggle to get  _ you _.” _ __  
  
His body isn’t anywhere close to recovered, and they both still have issues to resolve, but… they’re here, and they’re together…   
  
And right here, for a moment… that’s enough.   
  


  
  


It doesn’t take long for Anakin to drift off. Obi-Wan isn’t really surprised, not when Anakin had been so close to death mere… dear  _ Force  _ was it really only three hours ago?

 

Obi-Wan doesn’t move, though. He doesn’t think he can. To finally have his dear one back with him, in his arms and past the walls…

 

The walls he’d built when he betrayed Anakin.

 

But that was a downward spiral unbefitting of a Jedi Master.

 

Not long after that, Padme storms in.

 

“ _ Anakin _ ,” she breathes, her relief evident. Obi-Wan nods in greeting.

 

“Padme,” he says. “He’s alright, I…”

 

He sighs.

 

“I’m sorry that I took so long,” he says. “We almost lost him.”

 

Padme just shakes her head.

 

“That doesn’t matter, now,” she says. “This was my prayer, for years. I wanted you to realize it.”

 

What?

 

“You knew that I loved him like this?” Obi-Wan asks. Padme nods.

 

“On Naboo, Love is love,” she says. “I knew from the night that I married Anakin that I would have to either share him or watch him slip away… and I saw the way you looked at each other, from the day we all met once again.”

 

Ah…

 

“So we wouldn’t have to make him choose,” Obi-Wan says. Padme laughs, but it’s tinged with a serious thought.

 

“No,” she says. “That would break him. I… I have some big news, but Anakin deserves to be the first to know.”

 

Obi-Wan nods.

 

“Very well,” he says.

 

And they sit in companionable silence for some time, eventually striking up conversation about meaningless things.

 

Were it not for Anakin, still asleep in his arms, it would feel like a strange sort of normal.

  
  
  


Anakin freezes. Completely and utterly. Padme’s pregnant. His wife is pregnant. She’s… this is…

 

Anakin jumps straight out of the bed, spinning Padme in his arms.

 

“This is the happiest moment of my life, Angel,” he says, kissing her, and running to Obi-Wan and kissing him (and that’s probably presumptuous, but he really doesn’t care), and it  _ is _ . The happiest moment of his life.

 

_ Kids… _

 

He knows, he just  _ knows, _ that things will only get better from here.

 

(And, in this universe, he’s right.)

**Author's Note:**

> And they all lived happily ever after.
> 
> (Or, in which I needed a break from writing the plot-heavy parts of my series, and ended up with THIs.)
> 
> Find me on Tumblr [@flaim-ita](https://flaim-ita.tumblr.com/)


End file.
